The other week I awoke from a dream. It was clearer than almost any other dream I’ve seen in the past 26 years. I can honestly say I felt this dream. Every part of my body was affected as I moved from the bedroom to the bathroom. This dream was the first time I gave birth, in a logical way. 

We all have dreams. Ones that don't totally make sense. Disjointed, odd, nonsensical. This wasn't that type of dream. After attending 45 births in this dimension, I can say, this dream birth felt almost as real as the ones I had attended while awake. 

As I write this, I can still remember the burning as the baby stretched my vaginal walls, the vernix that seems to stick to her body for days. The sensation of her clenching down on my nipples as I grew comfortable feeding her. 

I can feel my first walks outside, unsure if my postpartum body was ready to move so vigorously at the market while I collected food, yet feeling so insanely powerful and sure of myself. Feeling a new type of confidence I had yet to possess. ​

​With all this being said, you might have a supportive partner, or you might not. You might be choosing to do this journey solo, or you might not. But what you will find out after the tenth or twentieth ovulation test, or the first ‘not pregnant’ symbol, is that you are inherently, doing this yourself. 

The biggest shock I’ve felt so far throughout this journey is not the uneasiness of getting pregnant, but the disappointment and loneliness I did not know I could ever possess towards myself. The way a piece of plastic could not only make me doubt my ability to procreate, but to be myself outside of procreation. I never thought I would experience so many feelings just from peeing on a stick! And I do want to stress, I am surrounded with great support (my mom literally mailed me ovulation test sticks, hahaha) and consider myself a very confident person. 

I’m not writing this to scare people away from conception, but to validate your journey in a way mine hasn't felt validated yet. In a real way. 

What’s your name?
Dr’s Pavin & Erin

Where in the city do you live?
Burnaby (close to Deer lake)

What’s your nearest and dearest heirloom?
For Erin, it’s a garnet ring given to her by her grandmother who just turned 98. They share the same birth month of January, and this ring was the first piece of jewelry that her grandma ever bought.

For Pavin, it’s also a ring, but it was given by his great-grandpa who helped raise him. It is a gold ring with the family crest and name.​

If my path towards my purpose had a guide, her name would be Care. If I was to describe my choice to follow this calling, I would do so with the word Alignment. For me, this business o fbeing a Doula is m personal practice of care, it is my labour of love and my heart work. When learning from Lesley Everest during Mother Wit's postpartum training, she spoke of Doulas being a "healing balm" and said this work is, "sacred activism"... this is how I continue to think of my role and this calling.

My interest and attention has always been grasped by people moving through transformative human experiences. Beginning in my childhood, I was fascinated by people becoming pregnant, giving birth and then transitioning into parenthood. Witnessing this, as little Alana, I thought "WOW" and I also thought, "how can I help?". As a little one, I always wanted to hold babies but I also wanted to "hold" their mothers too. Recently, I spoke to a psychic, she said to me, "what are you doing now for work is what you have done for several lifetimes before this one." Taking this into account, it would make sense that even with I was relatively new to this life, I already felt so comfortable in the world of birth, like I had been there before!

That being said, my first initiation into working in the field of care was as a social worker. My social work knowledge and experiences have laid a loving, strong and fiesty foundation to my Doula care. The world of social work has taught me how to work alongside folks as they navigate life experiences, how to communicate honestly and consciously, how to share meaningful information, to advocate, to connect clearly and kindly, to hold safe space and how to be comfortable with the 'uncomfortable'. Social work grew into Doula care and I am curious as to how Doula care will continue to grow and expand... bon courage!

With gratitude, I can say that being a Doula is natural and "known" to my mindbody. When taking Jessica Austin and Gloria Lemay's Wise Women Way of Birth Doula training, I felt I was being nourished by the information that I had always longed to hear. Jessica and Gloria's teachings resonated with me as the capital T, Truth.

But oh! This learning is continuous and so rich, layer after layer peels off, with everyday and in every way. As this work is supporting a human experience, the growth is endless. But as I keep exploring what being a Doula looks like for me, and how I wish to contribute to this community, there are a few things that I am becoming quite sure of. In sharing my learnings, I am reminding myself of what I believe to be true, holding myself accountable and hopefully, for any eyes readings this... sharing information to personally reflect upon!

Thank you for reading along! Commitment to community care is something I feel passionate about. Continuing to learn and critically reflect about my participation in the world of birth is also very important to me. I'm grateful to be a part of this community and to be invited into the full spectrum of folk's experiences. I feel very at home with Bunky and so supported by Emma and this circle of birth workers. As the mama Doulas, Erica and Laura, of Birdsong Brooklyn say "let's tether together".

Major love!
Your neighbourhood Doula,
Alana

We managed to attend every birth, despite COVID raging on (and we even snuck into some ORs!)

We welcomed many new Bunky babies, like Sunny Francis (lounging above)

You all kept blowing our minds, expectations and hearts out of the water. Feeding TWO babies, making tough decisions for your care, supporting your babies through sleep leaps, and juggling all that this year has brought us!

We improved mentor meetings when the weather was on our side! Joining at parks and gathering to learn skills and share stories.