Mothers Are Unpaid Cognitive Labourers

Recently when visiting one of our Bunky families, we noticed that she had refit an old march sign from Betty Friedan in the 70s. She collaged in “Mothers are Unpaid Cognitive Labourers,” and it made us think of all the moms we serve and love. Especially during the holiday season that just passed, how much of an extra cognitive, emotional and mental workload they all take on.

As a new era of motherhood dawns on us all, the era of an individualistic approach, as opposed to the community model of bygone eras, let us remember that leaving mothers to their own devices is not in alignment with any of our hopes for the future and goals of our Bunky families.

How can we do this? We hope to serve more efficiently, genuinely and lovingly - with the intention of truly helping mothers and families, and not gaining the feeling of helping but truly being of benefit. This support will often not look the way we expect to -  it may look like just sitting, listening, validating and holding space for a mother to be real with you. It will probably mean having to hold your tongue, your advice and your judgements. It may entail taking her kids out of the house, doing some dirty work and putting some elbow grease into it. Cleaning a toilet, folding some laundry and unloading the dishwasher. Bringing some flowers, a healthy meal, and a gift card for some physical care methods. It could look like following through with your mom’s, asking the hard question or admitting you don’t know what to say. 

Figuring out how to support new mothers and families is not always simple or linear. It takes time, trust and a few awkward moments. What matters is the follow-through and following up on your families. Show up repeatedly, drop things off quietly, make your support be known and do what you promised. With time it will get easier for moms to ask for things, and you will know what support means and looks like for each family. That’s what community looks like to us at Bunky Bambino. Let us all wade through these uneasy and hard waters together, one step and day at a time.